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Friday, 16 October 2015

Doña Erudita del Maldiciòn de la Broma de la Puta-madré


Notas Biograficales:- Doña Erudita was born  from the union of a leprous whore and a floating saint, San Ernesto de Puta-madré.  On that accursed wedding day, the whore’s own father repaired to the village outhouse, dowsed himself in tequila and set himself on fire.  All that was left of him was a pair of purple glass eye-lids, handed down to him from a famous glass-maker and optical prosthetist from Seville.  Little Erudita was born into the hands of her father some fourteen months later, after a prolonged pregnancy.  Indeed, the local midwife had claimed that she had heard the infant speaking Castilian from inside her mother’s rabid womb.  At the age of three years, the little girl started writing poetry, which she said she heard when she put her head inside the stone holy water font at the church of St Alfonsina del Mar.  In later years, when a fireworks accident (an exploding iguana) caused Erudita to become stone deaf, she started deriving her poemas from the patterns that the geckos drew with their slime on the steps of the Jardin Botanicál de Rey in  Xoacotquetloaxcs.  On being deposed as a saint, Ernesto emigrated to the Antipodean backwater known as The Mallee, where, with three black pigs named Chancho, Tocino and Chorizo, he set up a lucrative magic mushroom-hunting business.